We found this correspondence on Lola’s old desk as our new CFO , Peetie was getting acclimated to his new role. They were just too funny not to share.
-Team Alan J. Blair
Note to Peetie*Cat:
Welcome, my lovely, to the best job in the world. I am fully confident you have the paws to take on the role I have made famous. Good luck! You have the number to my private jet and the pent house in New York if you need anything. I am jetting off to New York to visit my personal designer before sailing to Milan. If Angelina or Brad call tell them I am en route. Should my Yoga teacher call, tell her I’m tied up. And should my tailor call, tell her I need an extra 2 inches added to everything in my wardrobe. Retirement seems to have made everything I own shrink.
Thank you, Lola. I am excited to write my first furball-filled, meowly- amusing blog for you and your adoring fans. I was able to finally clear your office of the empty Champagne and Tequila bottles. It looks like you had quite the party here. I found a stash of catnip hidden at the back of your desk drawer. Would you like me to send it to you? BTW Anna Wintour sent you flowers and a card. Hmmm, I can’t quite read it without opening the envelope.
Note to Peetie*Cat:
DO NOT read that card and throw the flowers away immediately. Anna refused to put me on the cover of her magazine because apparently I “wouldn’t fit onto one page”. How rude. She Photoshop’s every other model. Any way I am off to my spa to get my fur cleaned so must dash. Oprah and Gayle are stopping by later. Keep the catnip and use it “in case of an emergency.” Don’t let my public down now. I will be checking in from time to time.
You know me. As a young ferocious kitten I like to attack life like it’s a new toy; carefully at first with a sniff and a bat of the paw, and then with reckless abandon! I recognize I have huge paws to fill but I am purrringly confident your loving public will benefit from my advice and fun feline-filled blogs in the future. Safe travels and Bon Voyage!
P.S. There is a strange lingering smell of possibly old caviar in the office. Did you keep a stash hidden somewhere for emergencies?